Not the email I thought I’d write

This newsletter is probably the most vulnerable one I’ve ever sent.

But it also shows you that no matter how hard or unrealistic it feels right now to change your life or finally go after your dream - you can do it.

Do it terrified.
Do it even when your inner voice says,
"Are you crazy? You’re going to jeopardize the comfort zone we’ve spent years building?”
Or the classic:
"But what if you lose everything?"

Because, my friend, this is exactly what I’m going through right now.

I’m in the in-between - the space where your old identity, your work, and even your passion no longer feel quite right, but you haven’t fully stepped into who you’re becoming. It’s the place where most people quit… and I honestly don’t blame them. Because this space? It’s terrifying. And for many, it’s not worth risking their health to push through it.

But I’ve come to a point where I can’t keep pushing the way I’ve been doing for the past five years.

When something isn’t aligned with your bigger vision, life gives you gentle hints… then stronger nudges… and finally, it hits you like a Mac truck - until the only way forward is toward that vision.

For the past five years, I’ve been building my Design and Drawing Academy, coaching designers and creatives to draw stunning interiors on their iPad, on the go - with artistic freedom, and without limitations from traditional tools.

From the start, I told myself:
"I’ll pour my entire soul into this. Every bit of knowledge I have, every insight I gain, every aha moment - this will all go into the course."
I want you to understand - this wasn’t just a side project.
This Academy was my world.

I never switched to a membership or VIP model because I was obsessed with my students' transformations. And the results? They were beyond what I ever imagined.

I kept creating more content. Filming more lessons. Hosting more webinars.

All because I cared so deeply.

I’ve never been one to create quick, soulless courses just for the sake of “having a course.”

My Academy was my safe haven… until it wasn’t.

Why? Because when you pour your entire soul into something, there's no energy left for your own dreams.

And my big vision slowly faded to the farthest back burner.

My days turned into a never-ending cycle of funnels, marketing strategies (don’t even get me started on how many agencies mess people up - that’s a topic for another time), and obsessing over “how to make my course even more perfect.”

I spent all of January doing exactly that - no breaks, no weekends. Just building the newest version of my signature course.

It cost me my health.

Then the signs came:

My hands started shaking.
I started crying daily.
What used to be my passion became a cage.
No time for my own art.
No energy for my own dream.
No space for breakthroughs.

Everything was pouring back into the Academy.

Ironically? No one noticed. My students were happier than ever.

And honestly, I agree with them - the January version of the course is a masterpiece I’m incredibly proud of… even after what it cost me.

But this March... I collapsed.

I just can’t keep going at this rhythm.

I want to return to my roots.

To my vision.
To my creativity.

And here’s the thing most people don’t know:
This isn’t just about pivoting a course.
It’s about honoring the life I’ve spent over 10 years building -
In a country I had to fight to stay in.
I studied, worked, learned a new language, and rebuilt my identity from scratch.
I earned my citizenship through pure grit, creativity, and commitment to a dream bigger than me.

I realized - I didn’t come this far just to disconnect from the part of me that started it all.
The funniest part?

This past Wednesday, I was supposed to host a LIVE workshop on AI and design.
And guess what?
My second laptop - used for tutorials - wouldn’t turn on!!
(A very "me" moment. Even my webinars are masterpieces packed with insane value 😂)

A sign to pause?

That’s how I took it.

So today, I’m heading to the mountains to clear my head.

Because now… it’s time to shift.

Time to speak freely - without fear of being judged.

To create, without worrying about Instagram stats.

To draw as if I’ve already arrived at where I want to be.

To care for my Academy, yes - but without sacrificing myself.

To just… live.

Why am I sharing all this?

Because so many people think that wanting more - or feeling “off” - means something is wrong with them. That they lack talent. Or discipline. Or strength.

But no one talks about these moments while they’re happening. Everyone shares only after they’ve made it.

"Look how I did it."

Well… I’ve already hit another rock bottom.
And documenting it? It’s the last thing I wanted to do.

But this time, it’s different.

This time, I’m committed to documenting the process, the evolution.

So that one day, I can look back and say:

“You did it, girl. You didn’t give up."

Let’s speak up.

Let’s share the messy middle.

Let’s support each other - wherever we are on our journey.

Cheers - because I’ve never been this vulnerable with you before.

And maybe… that’s exactly what we all need more of.

PS: If you’re still in this transition phase too - or have a dream you've put off for too long - I’ll be sharing the next steps of my journey over on YouTube and Instagram soon. You’re not alone in this.
Not anymore.


at @andshedrawsbig